Humor Your Father and Your Mother?

Ephesians 6:1-3

May 10, 1998

by Dave Wilkinson

I would like you to listen to four quotes and try to figure out when each was originally spoken.

Here's the first one: "Our youth loves luxury, has bad manners, disregards authority and has no respect whatsoever for age. Today's children are tyrants; they do not get up when an elderly man enters the room...they talk back to their parents...they are just very bad."

Here's the second one: "I no longer have any hope for the future of our country if today's youth should ever become the leaders of tomorrow because this youth is unbearably reckless...just terrible."

Here's the third one: "Our world has reached a critical stage. Children no longer listen to their parents. The end of the world cannot be far away."

And here's the last one: "This youth is rotten from the bottom of their hearts. The young people are malicious and lazy. They will never be as youth happened to be before. Today's youth will not be able to maintain our culture."

The first quote comes from Socrates who lived from 470-399 B.C. The second is from Hesiod who lived around 720 B.C. The third is from an Egyptian priest approximately 2,000 years B.C. The last comes from the most ancient

ruins of Babylon and is more than 4,500 years old.

Now the fact that all of these civilizations are now gone would suggest that the complainers had a point. But we also see that some things never change including people complaining about the younger generation. One college sophomore had spent most of the school year in one kind of trouble or another. He received a card from his parents who were vacationing in Greece: "Dear Son, we are now standing high on a cliff from which ancient Spartan women once hurled their defective children to the rocks below. Wish you were here."

In the midst of all this, God has a word for today's children recorded in Ephesians 6:1-3.

Read Ephesians 6:1-3

We should not read these words of command to children except in the context of the overarching, governing thought of this entire passage on family life which is found in chapter 5 verse 21: "Be subject one to another in reverence for Christ." Children not only have obligations to parents. Parents also have obligations to children. These are words that our contemporary society seems to need to hear over and over again.

Statistics indicate that more twins are being born than previously. When a teacher mentioned this to her third grade class, one student said, "I guess more twins are being born because little children are afraid to come into the world alone." Humorous but true. A couple of years ago there were over one million, 600,000 documented cases of child-abuse in the United States. Probably many more than that many were undocumented.

But children are not the only ones who can be abused. Parents can also suffer from abuse.

Charles Swindoll tells about a friend of his, a pediatrician named Dr. William Slonecker who had a ten year old patient named Robert. The whole staff dreaded Robert's visits. He literally attacked the clinic, grabbing

instruments and files and telephones. His rather weak mother did nothing more than shake her head in bewilderment.

During one physical examination, Dr. Sloneker observed some cavities in Robert's mouth and knew the boy must be referred to a local dentist. But who would be given the honor? A referral like Robert could mean the end of a professional friendship. Dr. Slonecker eventually decided to refer Robert to an older dentist who reportedly understood children. The confrontation that followed stands as a classic moment in the history of human conflict.

Robert arrived at the dental office prepared for battle.

"Get in the chair young man," said the doctor.

"Not a chance!" replied Robert.

"Son, I told you to climb in the chair and that's what I intend for you to do,"

Robert stared at his opponent for a moment and then said: "If you make me sit in that chair, I will take off all my clothes."

The dentist calmly said 'Son, take 'em off."

The boy proceeded to remove his shirt, undershirt, shoes and socks, and then looked up in defiance.

"All right, Son," said the dentist. "Now get in the chair."

"You didn't hear me"' sputtered Robert. "I said if you make me get in that chair I will take off all my clothes!"

"Son, take 'em off,"

Robert proceeded to remove his pants and shorts, finally standing totally naked before the dentist and his assistant.

"Now, son, get in the chair." said the doctor.

Robert did as he was told, and sat cooperatively through the entire procedure. When the cavities were filled, he was instructed to step down from the chair.

"Give me my clothes now" said the boy.

"I'm sorry," replied the dentist. "Tell your mother that we're going to keep your clothes tonight. She can pick them up tomorrow.

Can you comprehend the shock Robert's mother received when the door to the waiting room was opened, and there stood her pink son, as naked as the day he was born? The room was filled with patients, but Robert and his mother walked past them and into the hall. They went down a public elevator and into the parking lot, ignoring the snickers of onlookers.

The next day Robert's mother returned to retrieve his clothes, and asked to have a word with the dentist. However, she did not come to protest. There were her sentiments: "You don't know how much I appreciate what happened here yesterday. You see, Robert has been blackmailing me about his clothes for years. Whenever we are in a public place, such as a grocery store, he makes unreasonable demands of me. If I don't immediately buy him what he wants, he threatens to take off all his clothes. You were the first person who had ever called his bluff, doctor, and the impact on Robert has been incredible.

Well I’m glad Robert changed but it should never have come to that point. Robert's mother should not have permitted it and Robert himself should not have attempted it. The scripture makes it clear that children also are responsible to see that their behavior is within the plans and purposes of God for human lives and relationships.

Paul writes: "Children, obey your parents in the Lord for this is right. Honor your father and your mother."

Now, note some things about this commandment.

First, Paul addresses the children directly. Their presence in the congregation where the letter is to be read is taken for granted. They are not off having their own "children's church." They are an integral part of the worshipping people of God. Youth programs are great but not if they take the place of intercommunion with the older generations. We are not called as isolated individuals. We are brought together as a family.

Second, note that the relationship between parent and child is not immune from interference. God interferes in His commandments, and this gives permission for his people to step-in in His name. Among other things, this means that if I ever come across a battered child in this congregation, I’ll report it. And if I see an

overly harsh father, I might well stop by for a talk. And if you see me blowing it with my children, you should do the same.

Third, note that children are called to obey their parents. The word obey literally means a "readiness to hear and then to do without hesitation." It is not only obedience in action but also a willingness to listen and then to shape one's course under the accepted guidance of a more mature mind.

Fourth, children are commanded to honor their parents. Honoring is the frame of mind which leads to obedience.

The Hebrew word "honor" which is used in the commandment Paul is quoting here is very special. It is "Coben" which means literally, "to weigh someone or something heavy. To honor your father and mother is to presuppose their great worth -- to weigh them heavy. This is not a conditional commandment. The command is not, "evaluate them for weigh." It is "Weigh them heavy!!!"'

Now we parents are glad to hear this good advice to our children. But we are also challenged by this commandment to ask ourselves: "How heavy are we? How worthy of honor are we? Our children are told to weigh us heavy. How heavy are we in terms of being the kind of parents God expects us to be. Just continue reading on in this chapter and you’ll get a sense of what God is looking for.

Notice fifth that this commandment has some limitations. First, obedience is "in the Lord." This means that a child should not obey his or her parents when the parent tells him or her to do something that is wrong. The depths of human sin can go very deep. I have known of situations where parents have involved their own children in pornography of prostitution in order to get drugs. That is not God’s will and the child is under a greater obligation than the obligation to his or her parents. Children are free to disobey their parents when they are attempting to make them do something that is against God's will. But that does not include eating your vegetables, bed times, and keeping your room clean. It’s not a cop-out. 99% of the time a child's obedience to the Lord will result in more willing obedience to his or her parents.

The other limitation inherent in this commandment is the limitation of nature. A child is meant to grow up and will grow up. The type of obedience that is appropriate to the preschool years is not appropriate to the teenage years when the child is making the transition to adulthood when he or she will no longer be under the authority of parents either legally or biblically. Being weighed heavy is always realistic. Parents need to let their children grow up as good stewards of the gift of God of that child's life.

What is the motivation for a child obeying and honoring his or her parents? Paul simply says that "it is right." By "right" the Greek word dikaios Paul means that children being obedient to parents is a necessary and proper fact of the natural order of life. It does not need to be established by some sort of special revelation from God. It is, rather, the normal component of proper functioning human society. It is not confined to Christian morality. It is the behavior standard in every society. Pagan moralists, both Greek and Roman taught it. Stoic philosophers saw a son's obedience as self-evident -- plainly required by reason and part of the 'nature of things.' We find the same teaching in Chinese, Korean and Japanese cultures. In fact, all civilizations have regarded the recognition of parental authority as indispensable to a stable society As a side note, I wonder how long it will take courts and legislators to realize that we cannot continue to undercut the authority of parents and expect society to continue to function.

Children being obedient to their parents is right in natural law and is also right according to the will of God as revealed in His commandments. Luke tells us that after the boy Jesus talked with the elders and teachers in the Temple, he returned to Nazareth and was obedient to his parents. Jesus had less need or cause to be obedient than any child in history. But He was obedient because it is right.

I want to talk to the teenagers and the pre-teens here for a moment. The rest of you can listen if you want to. Parents have a way of annoying their kids. My parents annoyed me, and their parents annoyed them. Someday you may have teenagers of your own to annoy. But in spite of all of this, you need to know that God created your parents for your benefit. Your mom and your dad, as hard as they are to understand at times, are God's gift to you. They are a key part of the process God has set up to help you become the person God wants you to be. In this world there is authority which is ordered by God. The ten commandments state: "Honor your father and your mother that your days may be long upon the earth." Paul points out that this is the first commandment to carry with it a built-in promise.

The command is to honor! The promise is that if you do. You will have a full and positive life Your life-style will be blessed by God. Whether this is simply a psychological fact of life, or whether God Himself goes out of His way to reward you, is not clearly specified. I'm inclined to believe that it's some of both for the Bible is God's clear expression of how to live the life He created you to live.

On the other hand, the author of the Book of Proverbs warns of what will happen if you don't take your parents seriously -- if you humor your father and your mother instead of honoring your father and your mother. Proverbs 30:17 states: "The eye that mocks a father and scorns to obey a mother will be picked out by the ravens of the valley and eaten by the vultures." Yecch. In other words, your life will end up a wreck.

Every teenager has an enormous potential for either beautiful living or burned-out ruin. In God's eyes every child is a diamond in the rough. Your father and mother serve as his hammer and chisel -- working to bring out the finest qualities of the many-faceted potentials of your personality If you refuse to submit to the sometimes painful experience of being shaped by the authority of God and your parents, you can end up on the scrap heap, realizing very little of your great potential.

Now if all of this seems a little one-sided, go home and finish reading this section with your parents. Then it will be your turn to nudge them in the ribs and have a good talk with them about their attitudes.

The rest of you can start listening now.

There is one more teaching in this commandment that is very important.

The obedience of a child to his father and mother is not just smart. It is also a religious duty. Obedience is to be "in the Lord."

Everything that Paul is saying here grows out of the fact that he assumes a religious awareness and sensibility on the part of children and teenagers. This is because a child of a Christian home can recognize his or her spiritual relationship to the Lord from his or her earliest years -- long before he or she is able to intellectually grasp the doctrines of Christian faith.

And This awareness of relationship should make difference in the child's actions. They should act "in the Lord."

The freedom of a child is tremendously complimented by this commandment. A child has the freedom to choose. Paul writes "you have a choice about how you are going to act toward your parents -- so honor them -- "weigh them heavy." In this commandment a child is given a "grace thing to do -- to honor parents even if

they are failures sometimes and even if they blow it on occasion. "Do something for free," Paul says. Love them even if they don't deserve it.

And if you do this, something pretty good might happen. When you honor someone -- when you weigh them heavy -- you encourage them to live up to it. In Meredith Wilson's "The Music Man' Mayor Shinn always called Tommy Gillis "Ya wild kid ya" and that's what Tommy was. Professor Harold Hill came to town and called Tommy the leader of the band and Tommy became the leader of the band. Mayor Shinn weighed Tommy light and he got light. Harold Hill weighed Tommy heavy and he got heavy.

Kids, weigh your parents heavy. You might be surprised how they start to act.