Sermons from Moorpark Presbyterian Church

Friendships that Make a Difference

by Dave Wilkinson

Proverbs 27: 5-6,9,17

February 21. 1999

Bob Green writes in The Fifty Year Dash "Many of the things you liked best at 17, it turns out, are the things you like best now--the friends, the cheeseburgers, the songs. The concept of ‘growing into more sophisticated tastes,’ you learn, does not always hold true. Instead, more and more, you come around to knowing that your first tastes were your truest tastes.

"I was visiting one of my oldest friends, one of the guys with whom I spent the most sun-washed and happy summers of my teenage years. He is an extremely wealthy man now; he lives in one of the most sumptuous and expensive houses in our old hometown. People approach him deferentially, asking him to contribute to philanthropic causes. He is a solid citizen.

I hadn't been in his house for more than two hours before we were trying to crawl under his motion detector. He has a valuable art collection, and the motion detector is set to trip an alarm if anyone comes into the rooms where the art is. We were on our bellies, attempting to slither into the rooms without making the alarm wail. Men deep into middle age, men who allegedly have better things to do -- and were convulsing with laughter as we heard the siren, turned it off, then tried to crawl beneath the invisible electronic beam again. His wife was looking at us with an amused, not altogether disapproving expression; I looked into my friend s face and I saw the laughter and the joy of 1964. For that one moment, it seemed that the security system in his house was unnecessary; for that one moment, all the security you would ever want was right there in that room."

But true friendship becomes more and more difficult. And, for some, it becomes less desirable as well, There is within each of us a need to try to prove our sufficiency. We are driven to display total independence. We think it a worthy feat. I suspect such a value system is a lingering scab from when we fell. You know, the Fall we suffered in a garden (a very long time ago). It is a subconscious desire we inherited from our great-grandfather Adam. The desire to be like God--to be fully in control. And even as believers, forgiven followers of Jesus, our Adam-like attitude raises its ugly head more often than we like to admit. We resist admitting our need and asking for help. That's especially true of us men. Come on, guys, admit it. When is the last time you stopped and asked for directions when you got turned around on some vacation back-road? How many of you men related to Hugh Hewitt when he spoke to our Men’s Breakfast in January and said that he had become a Presbyterian because he had done his research and discovered that it was the denomination where he was "least likely to be hugged?"

Now we don’t all need a great big hug. But we all do need each other. For when we try to live what we say we believe all on our own we find we are better promise makers than we are promise keepers. Consider what one three-time veteran of Promise Keepers stadium events wrote in his journal. He calls it...

O, Jesus, I have promised to serve Thee to the end.

I know the hymn by heart.

But that's not all I know.

I also know

(and so do You)

that I tend to break more promises

than I keep.

It makes me weep

(and the end isn't even in sight).

You know I don't throw my pledges to

the floor

in premeditated acts of willfulness.

(Well, at times I do...)

But more often than not

they tend to fall off the slippery shelf of

good intentions

when I'm not looking.

My promises break when I take my eyes

off You.

And it breaks my heart to admit it's true.

But what else can I do.

if l would have You mend me

that I might serve You to the end?’

He's not alone. You and I could write the same thing. And the reason he is not alone is because when it comes to trying to keep our promises to the Lord and to the significant people in our lives, we are too often alone and on our own.

But that is not the way God intends for us to follow His Son. That is not the way He desires us to live. In spite of that Adam-like tendency to wear the Lone Ranger mask, there is another force within us. It is a drive deep within us that seeks companionship, community, unconditional love, acceptance. assistance, and the freedom to admit the need for help. It's a value system that precedes the Fall. Its roots are in the Garden itself. God declared, "It is not good for man to be alone." and that declaration of dependence is indelibly inked on the parchment of each of our personalities. If the full truth were known. we desire to be linked with others and lean on them in

order to take a stand and live what we believe.

The Book of Proverbs is one of the most underutilized books in God's Word. But Proverbs is as relevant as it gets. These pithy (often earthy) sound bites remind us of what God's voice sounds like.

Take these verses, for instance. I'm reading from Proverbs 27: 'Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses' (v. 6). 'Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one's friend springs from his earnest counsel' (v. 9). As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another' (v. 17).

Friendship is a priceless gift. God gives us friendship to serve our relational needs. But that is not all. He gives us friendship for our spiritual well-being as well. How many of you first came to church because a friend invited you? How many of you credit the fact that you have an eternal relationship with Jesus Christ to a friendship? The vision of friends is not hindered by the blinders we wear. Friends can steer us away from moral icebergs that would tear a Titanic-size hole in the hull of our soul. Verse 6 says that true friends are willing to hurt our feelings to save our reputations. Friends listen when we are confused about what to do, where to go, how to trust God. Friends dare to challenge us with truth. True friends accept our imperfections and forgive us. True friends fuel our hopes and dreams with their undiminished expectations.

No wonder God said in Genesis, "It is not good for the man to be alone." Everything else that the Creator spoke into existence was punctuated with "And the Lord saw that it was good!" Everything. The firmament, the seas, the earth, the sun, moon, and stars, the plants, the fish, the animals, even a human being animated with the breath of God Himself. Everything was good! Everything! Except one thing. "It is not good for the man to be alone." Now, obviously, the Genesis passage celebrates the beautiful bond between a husband and a wife. But the theology of companionship is not limited to the mystery of marriage. We were created to be in community. We fall short of the glory of God when we fail to embrace the gift of grace God gives us through each other. After all, part of God's glory is the joy he experiences in the community of the Trinity. To be made in the image of God means we need to be in relationship. We need Christian friends.

Lone Ranger Christianity is a foreign concept to the Scriptures. Moses had Aaron and Joshua. Ruth found strength in Naomi. David teamed with Jonathan. Elisha shadowed Elijah. Mary had Elizabeth. Jesus had Peter, James, and John. Paul had Priscilla and Aquila. Each discovered the strength and comfort of spiritual friendship. It is not good to be alone! Friendship provides the context in which our disguises can be confronted and masks taken off. And speaking of masks, the Lone Ranger wasn't really all alone. Even the Lone Ranger had a Tonto -- and vice versa.

Solomon, the author of these proverbs, had not yet been born when his father learned firsthand the power of a promise-keeping relationship. But you can bet he heard David reminisce (on more than one occasion) about his unparalleled friendship with Jonathan. Early. in his life, Solomon developed a perspective on relationships from what he heard his father recall and from what he experienced himself. The young man who would be king pondered the truth that came from God. Eventually, he would write down on parchment how one life sharpens another to sword blade precision.

But that is not the only reference Solomon made to the mutual benefits of being our brother's keeper. In his often overlooked journal (which we call the Book of Ecclesiastes), he celebrates the joy God intends us to know through the meaningful friendship. Bracketed in his candid observations about the futility of wealth and work status are these choice words: 'Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!... Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of' three strands is not quickly broken` (Eccl. 4:9-10, 12).

When Billy Graham was beginning his ministry back in 1948, he already was aware of the temptations to which certain Christian leaders had fallen: temptations of sexual immorality, fiscal irresponsibility, sectarian snobbery, and deception for the sake of popularity. Billy surrounded himself with three of his closest friends. Together they met in Modesto, California, on the ranch where Cliff Barrows had grown up. There Billy, Cliff, Bey Shea and Grady Wilson knelt in a circle and prayed. They committed themselves to hold each other accountable. It would be termed The Modesto Manifesto. Billy refers to it in his autobiography Just As I Am:

"In reality it did not mark a radical departure for us. We had always held these principles. It did, however, settle in our hearts and minds the determination that integrity would be the hallmark of both our lives and our ministry." Amazingly, that group of men stood together for half a century, helping each other keep their promises. And, as a result, there has never been even the slightest hint of scandal or controversy in the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association. They discovered that promises are easier to keep when you have spiritual friends surrounding you. As C.S. Lewis wrote in a literary essay on "Hamlet"The next best thing to being wise oneself is to live in a circle of those who are."

That kind of linkage of lives still goes on. When individuals dare to come out of spiritual isolation and voluntarily ask for accountability, the result of such vulnerability is integrity.

As part of this 50-Day Spiritual Adventure I want to challenge you with a few relatively easy steps that will allow you to come out of spiritual isolation. For some of you, that's a scary thought. For others, that is a decision you made some time ago. For the sake of our common experience as a congregation, please don't disregard this week's action step. Find another person who will help you keep the promises you'll be making for the next several weeks. It could be someone in the church you know really well. It doesn't have to be. Maybe it would make sense for it to be someone in your small group.

I think I know how some of you are responding to what I am suggesting. "I don't need anybody checking up on me! I am quite capable of keeping short accounts with God. After all, that is one of the things about biblical Christianity I appreciate. I don't need a mediator other than Jesus." And I'd say to you, in terms of confessing your sin, you are absolutely right! You don't need a confessor. "For there is one God and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus." "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" Not a confessor. What I am talking about is a professor. Not the kind that teaches at a university. A professor. A professor is one who will profess his or her unconditional friendship to you no matter how strong or weak you are in your faith. A pro-fessor is one who will profess God's faithfulness to you when you have difficulty remembering all the ways God has provided for you in the past. A pro-fessor is one who professes his or her own vulnerability and isn't shocked by yours. A pro-fessor will enable you to live what you say you believe. Promises to yourself are easier to keep when you don’t keep to yourself what you’ve promised. Do you have a pro-fessor? Who has come to mind as you hear me describe what this person does?

Our New Testament text from Acts 9 tells about Paul and the leaders of the church in Jerusalem. Paul has been persecuting the church he now wants to be a part of. The Apostles don’t want to meet with him. They think its a trap. But Barnabas brings Paul in.

In much the same way, Chuck Colson wrote about his first meeting following his conversion with a group of Christian leaders who met regularly for prayer and Bible study. One in the group, a former senator, came from a liberal background and would have had nothing to do with Colson as he was known during the Nixon White House days. Colson was Nixon’s hatchet man. A Christian leader who had spent some time with Chuck Colson knew that he had made a genuine commitment to Christ, but, like Paul, some in this group were not as ready to buy his story.

A meeting was arranged, and when Colson and his Christian friend arrived he was given quite a grilling. He wasn't sure at first if he would be accepted. Finally, they became convinced, much like the Apostles were persuaded about Paul. As the acceptance developed into friendship, their relationships deepened. Seeing that one of Colson's children was struggling with him being in prison, one of these men, a former governor, offered to serve some of Colson's prison term so he could be released to spend time with his child.

That's the kind of love that was a distinguishing mark of the First-century Christians. And it should be evident in our churches as well. Who tells you the truth? Whom do you encourage? Who helps you stay sharp? Who do you help up when they fall?

Bob Green tells us that a number of new, planned communities are doing away with sidewalks. The reason is that sidewalks --- according to the community planners--- are an invitation for strangers to walk by your house. Today's Americans, with their heightened sense of the need for security, want few things less than the prospect of seeing someone they don't know in front of their homes. People who live in those homes drive most places in their cars, anyway.

So the sidewalks are going. And when you think of the neighborhood where you grew up, with the sidewalks running in front of every house, the sidewalks serving as the connective threads of your community .You realize that as they disappear, so does a part of the expectation your parents gave you of what life is supposed to feel like.

Well let’s fight the system. Let’s exasperate the experts. Let’s perplex the planners. et’s build lot’s of sidewalks here between our lives.