Sermons from Moorpark Presbyterian Church

Trusting the Lord with Our Past

by Janet Laughry

Exodus 15:22-27 and 16:1-8

August 6, 2000

You have met Paul on many occasions. A very intelligent man and highly educated. He was a religious man - a rabbi’s rabbi. He was able to support himself as a leather worker and tentmaker. Not such a bad past you might be saying. Well, he was continually afflicted by such disorders as malaria, eye trouble, migraine headaches and possibly epilepsy. Paul, also "dragged off both men and women and committed them to prison. Because of their belief in Jesus. In his own words, Paul "violently persecuted the followers of Jesus and was trying to destroy the church."

Then there is Emmy - Emmy has a family – back east. When she was growing up she often identified with Cinderella – the part of the nasty step-mothers and step-sisters. At one point she had enough and ran away from home – never to return except for the occasional SHORT visit and try at reconciliation – which, of course never worked. She was one of the more fortunate runaways, she had a roof over her head, food to eat, and she never learned to smoke and never did drugs. However, growing into adulthood, many years ago, she continued to live with the anger, resentment and hatred, from her past- no matter how good her new life was turning out to be! The last time she spoke with her father they exchanged angry, heated, hateful words; some of those words and feelings she aimed at her father’s current wife. Although Emmy has written two reconciliation letters since that night - more than Five years ago now, she and her father have not spoken. Resentment, bitterness, guilt continued to run through Emmy’s heart, and life.

Each one sitting here today has your own story. Perhaps your past holds a deeper hurt, a bigger secret, which might include drugs and wrong sex. Perhaps yours is not from a darker side of life, nonetheless a past that is carried everyday, full of angry, hurtful words to the ones who love you; of lies and cheating, including lying to yourself others and God. Perhaps the power of your past of hurt, pain, shame and anger and guilt, is so strong that you continue to wonder in your own wilderness. Is it much different than the WILDERNESS the Israelites experienced for 40 years?

What exactly is WILDERNESS ? The Hebrew word Midbar is used above all other words that are used for wilderness. Midbar means barren, desolate. It is devoid of what many of us think of as good and positive. It is a wasteland. While we are living our own wilderness, we often feel desolate, barren and wasted.

The transition or Interim period this church community is experiencing right now is, thankfully a far cry from the Israelite’s Wilderness experience. Nonetheless, I have a feeling it sure felt like that to many of us in our heart of hearts when we first learned Pastor Sheri was leaving in her role as associate pastor with us. We felt barren and filled with pain; we felt bewildered and disoriented, perhaps even desolate.

Many here are presently living in your own wilderness experience. You might be enslaved and heavy with guilt about your past. Sins, mistakes, and blunders and even past successes, continue to haunt you. Some continue to hug tightly to your hearts that fear from doing something because of hurt experienced in the past. Are your feelings of guilt from not "being there" when family or friend needed you? Are you turning your heart from embracing friendship and/or love? Are you afraid to stop remembering because you are afraid of repeating your past? OR – Perhaps is your hurt, anger, and shame and doubt aimed at God?

We do blame God for much that happens to us. The awesome thing is - God can handle it. We also find we blame our anger, hurt and bad feelings on all those mistakes our parents made when trying to raise us. Our parents and their parents can feel guilty about the fact that our potty training was so bad. Or they didn’t spare the rod enough or they spared it too much. And what about our anger about being held accountable for our own decisions and actions – no matter our age?- whom are we blaming here? BOTTOM LINE – HOWEVER WE GOT HERE – HERE WE ARE!!!!

Now, indeed, we might benefit from quality time spent with a pastor or psychologist to sort out and grow through all those past dynamics that make up who we are. This can benefit us to learn how to cope and stop negative patterns and thought processes from our Past that have power over us.

By now, you may be asking the question, Great! But, "IS THERE HELP FOR MY PAST? CAN THAT WHICH HAS BEEN DONE BE REDONE OR UNDONE? You probably already have that answer. "Yes" AND "No!!" No, because what is done is done. It cannot be UNdone. Paul could not undo his persecution of Christians before he turned that past over to Jesus. Our lives cannot be REdone -- as in the movies when someone yells, "CUT" and the director and the actor and actresses discuss the scene, perhaps rehearse it again to get it right and then later someone else yells, "Quiet on the Set. Take 2!!!" Ours is NOT a life of rehearsals and additional takes. (Even though, God may want to teach us something that we did not quite get the first time. God might allow us to be in similar situations so we can learn.)

This church community (as a church and individuals) have been gifted a deep and profound legacy from Sheri. The Past on which this church is built is a strong one. One that does not require us to say, "CUT" and then take two or more tries at getting it right. Sure we might want to try new things. We do want and need to build on the solidness of such ministries as the Small Group ministry, the intergenerational communion learning time and youth new member classes, as well as the Deacon ministry, in which both Sheri and Rick ministered. These are ONLY a very few ministries which form our strong foundational past.

AND YES - THERE IS HELP FOR YOUR PAST. Building on and growing because of this church’s past and our individual past requires us to Remember. Ours is a life of REMEMBERING. REMEMBERING, so as not to get ourselves into a same bad or negative situation again. Remembering and counting the blessings that have been given us. Remembering how God carried us through and lifted us out of our mire. Remembering and praising God because of where we come from. I don’t think that even the Apostle Paul really forgot his past of persecuting the first Christians as he pressed on in his new life in Christ.

The Israelites could not forget their life of bondage and slavery, and persecution. Yet they remembered their past in a negative way. When the Wilderness became unbearable and the water was bitter (last part of Ex 15); or when they had NO water, and again when they got hungry for something different than the livestock they brought with them out of Egypt (WHICH MEANT THEY HAD CHEESE AND MILK)…they grumbled and complained and remembered their past and wanted to return to it. The Israelites actually would have preferred to die at the hands of bondage and beatings – because at least there was enough to eat. A double wilderness.

The ISRAELITES missed their call to remember their past and be blessed by it; to remember how God was with them through it all; how God guided them as they got out of Egypt, and how they were lifted out of harms way and sure death. The Israelites forgot to praise God for keeping his guiding and saving hand throughout their past.

Now keeping all this mind -- still God does not always remove the results of past living. The Israelites had their scars from slavery and would have more from their 40 years of wandering. But God can change US and things (like making the bitter waters sweet) / lifting us out of financial bondage; by giving us something else (like the wells of water at Elim) / a better marriage; new friends/better relationship with parents and children/ a new life growing out from our addictions; or by giving us the grace we need to bear with our difficulties and not complain,(2 Corin 12:7-10 -- Wiersbe,p77).

Chuck Colson’s ministry to those in prisons illustrates this. Yes, God can and does forgive thieves, murderers, and even rapists. And amazingly once repented, God does not remember that sin. But that does not remove the result of their past life. Prison ministries, continue to enable God to change the lives of many inmates. Yes, they must still do the time/ and there are still victims and scars; yes, the inmates will no doubt continue to remember their deed. Learning to and remembering the more powerful forgiveness of God – Who does not remember – helps them and us to trust and be lifted up to surrender it all to God.

In what PRISON are you living; into what Wilderness have you allowed yourself to be? Your past may be one that is filled with regret, guilt because of hurting someone through a lie, through an extramarital affair, through the result of alcoholism or other addiction; or as a result of shoddy business practice, may be part of your past. Words that are said when we are tired, frustrated or angry often come back to haunt us, - especially so if the person to whom we spoke in that angry time, is in an accident, falls ill or worse, now lies dying.

NOW THAT I HAVE PRETTY MUCH FORCED YOU TO REMEMBER YOUR PAST – WHAT SHOULD WE DO WITH THAT ? There is an interesting study on bees that was related in the most recent devotional The Upper Room that I believe illustrates this concept of the power that our pasts hold on us and surrendering that past to God: "When a beehive is invaded by an outsider, such as a wasp, the bees protect the hive by stinging the invader to death. Then they wrap the remains of the invader in layers of wax - so thick that the features of the invader become blurred and difficult to distinguish. The intruder becomes part of the hive." It is true we cannot remove a hurtful past; it is a part of our hive, it is a part of us. Nonetheless, we can continually wrap our past in many layers of prayer, so that, though a part of us, it no longer has the power to harm us and can no longer hold us. Even though we do not forget the past, we can be free of its power over us.

A friend of mine told me a story about trusting in God, trusting God with our pasts. Gretchen Gaebelein Hull writes about this in her book, Equal to Serve: Gretchen’s daughter was screaming and hugging a toy to her chest – to her heart – because Gretchen wanted to take the toy from her. But Gretchen wanted to take the toy because the toy was broken and she wanted to fix it. Then Gretchen wanted to give the toy back to her daughter…whole.

We hug our lives and our old, past worries, fears and guilt and past shame to ourselves. We don’t hear God saying, "Give all that over to Me, and I will give it back to you, made whole." God says, "Trust in me as your Creator to

RE-CREATE your broken life and give it back to you, made whole."

God asked The Apostle Paul and Emmy, God asks us to give over our lives to Him and to surrender to Him and to trust in Him. That means He also wants us to surrender our past. He can make us new and make us whole.

When we totally commit our doubts, fears, guilts, shame and hostilities to God, even those aimed at God, in the thickness of layers of prayer, He cleanses and fills us with His love. We are enabled to trust Him with our PASTS and become whole – so the power of our past does not have a hold on us.