Sermons from Moorpark Presbyterian Church

Handling Your Anger

by Dave Wilkinson

Romans 13:8-13, Ephesians 4:26-27

September 24, 2000

The first sound that ever crosses our lips -- the sound that we emit on the occasion of our birth -- is an expression of anger. Not only that, the anger that begins in us then continues throughout our lives. Every person knows what it feels like to be angry.

But I wonder if we recognize the impact anger has on us.

Are you aware of what anger does to your insides? Our insides are directed by what is called the autonomic nervous system. It has two parts--the sympathetic and the parasympathetic. Now when we become angry, only the sympathetic system is in full operation. And this is what happens when that system goes into high gear. Adrenaline is rapidly pumped into your bloodstream. Your heart beats more rapidly. Your blood pressure climbs--as much as 60 points. Red corpuscles are produced at a faster rate than normal. All of your digestive processes come to halt. You salivary glands cease their normal secretions. Your rectum and your bladder tighten and constrict. Your liver pours sugar into your circulatory system. Your breathing pattern changes to short, deep breaths. Your skin produces sweat and your blood vessels expand.

Now any single emotion that can cause that kind of physiological change in us needs to be talked about. Anger is like the gas in the internal combustion engine that drives a car. The engine operates because of a series of small explosions. A little bit of gas is ignited, explodes and drives the pistons and that's what makes the car move from one place to another. That’s good. That’s how most of us got here today. But if you were to ignite all of the gasoline in your car at one time, it would blow both you and your car to very little pieces. The difference is between controlling something so that it explodes the way it's supposed to explode and gets us somewhere, or having the explosion control us.

In Romans 13:8-10, Paul talks about the lifestyle of the man or woman of Jesus Christ. He writes that we owe one inexhaustible debt to others — the debt of love. He writes that it is time for us to wake up to what Jesus has done for us in making us a new creation. It is time for us be who we are. We are to lay aside the deeds of darkness like dirty old tattered rags. We are to clothe ourselves in the armor of light.

Paul writes in verse 13 of six things that should no longer be part our lives. These six are in three pairs -- carousing and drunkenness, sexual promiscuity and sensuality, and strife and jealousy. We looked at carousing and drunkenness two weeks ago. We’ll look at sexual promiscuity and sensuality in mid-October. But today is the day for strife and jealousy.

The word "strife" in Romans 13:13 is eride — kind of sounds like irritate. Eride is the attitude of the person who is not only angry — but who thrives on anger and the adrenalin rush it provides. Way Back in Romans 1, Paul listed this eride as one result of people turning their backs on God. The anger that results from eride is called thymos — anger or rage as a deliberate choice. Thymos is always wrong. It is an outgrowth of the deeds of darkness that should no longer be ours.

However, there is a second kind of anger that isn’t always wrong — although it can be easily turned to wrong. This is the type of anger that goes by the Greek word orge.

That’s the word Paul uses in Ephesians 4:26 where he writes: "Be angry." Paul states right at the outset that sometimes it's quite right to be angry.

A Quaker owned a very stubborn mule. He was trying to get it to move one day and it would not move. He tried every way he could think of to get it going and it just wouldn't "git". Finally, staring at it he said, "thou wicked and perverse creature. Thou knowest that as a Quaker I cannot strike thee. Thou knowest that as a Quaker I cannot starve thee. Thou knowest that as a Quaker I cannot curse thee. But what thou does not know is that I can always sell thee to a Presbyterian."

Well we can laugh at that but we don't need, necessarily to apologize for it. Anger is not invariably wrong. Our Lord showed anger. There are incidences recorded in scripture in which His disciples showed anger. In fact, sometimes it is a sin not to get angry. We murmur about some things in our society that we ought to be shouting about at the top of our lungs.

But we are not speaking today of righteous anger. That's a whole 'nother sermon. We are speaking of "general anger." This is not that pure anger than comes from an injustice done to another. It is the anger that from what we perceive as a personal hurt, insult or injury. The root of our English word anger is the ancient Indo-European word, "angg." "Angg" means narrow. Anger is the emotion that comes out when we feel that we have been somehow limited or kept in a narrow place away from what ought to be ours. Anger is the emotion that comes our when we feel we are being squeezed.

How do we deal with the anger that stirs up mud in our souls? The late Rev. Bruce Thielmann, former pastor of the Glendale Presbyterian Church, suggests that anger often shows itself in people in one of two ways. He says that these people can be described as skunks or turtles.

A skunk type person is like an attorney in court -- not all attorneys, just this one. He wants very much to win the case. He has prepared as best he can. He fights for the issue. He loses. Now when he loses, any one of a number of reactions are possible. Maybe he feels guilty inside--he didn't work hard enough on the case. Or maybe he feels "I've lost this case and this just shows once again that I really am not worth anything. His sense of personal worthlessness is accentuated.

So what does he do? He doesn't want anyone to know that he's hurting. He doesn't want anyone to know that his sense of worthlessness is accentuated--he doesn't want anyone to know that he's frustrated so he puts up a smokescreen. He slams his briefcase. He accuses the judge of injustice. He says that the jury must have been asleep when they were in the jury room. He attacks the assistants who helped him prepare his brief. He rages and tries to create such a furor that people will be turned away from that in him which is really hurting -- the sense of loss, the feeling of inadequacy, the frustration.

Now that's what a skunk does. When a skunk is threatened he raises an "olfactory diversion." As a result people get so involved with the stink that they forget the skunk. That's precisely the tactic some people use with their anger. It explodes!! So everyone looks at the explosion but not at them.

On the other hand, Thielmann suggests, there are turtles. The turtle is out playing golf. He wants to make a certain putt. I’m not talking a Tiger Woods putt here. I’m talking a five footer. He putts and he misses. He's practiced that putt a hundred times but he misses it. So how does he feel? Perhaps he feels the same way "I’ll never be a good golfer" or "look how stupid I look in front of all these other people" or "if they'd keep these greens the way their supposed to keep them that ball would have gone where I hit it." But, he doesn't want anyone to know he feels this way so he locks it up inside. He smiles a tight little smile and he finishes the round and goes home. He puts his golf clubs in the garage. He doesn't enjoy his dinner because that missed putt is churning inside him. He goes to bed that night and he doesn't sleep. What has he done? Like a turtle, he has gone inside his shell. And he won't come out. He just lies there stewing in his own juice.

That's a good expression to use because we have seen the kinds of juices anger releases in our physiology. When you sit in them and let them simmer and boil, terrible things can happen to you -- neuroses, psychoses, ulcers, and migraines to name a few -- not that these things are always caused by bottled anger but psychologists suggest that unreleased anger is a major contributor.

Anger -- whether expressed or unexpressed--has a way of rupturing relationships. That’s what Paul is talking about in Romans 13. I’ve seen it in this congregation in families and in friendships. Expressed, it may bring slashing, hurtful words that cannot be taken back. Unexpressed, it can lead to what some psychologists call "passive aggression" -- acting out anger in underhanded, perhaps subconscious ways such as being chronically late. Or it may be misplaced -- like the man who is angry with his boss so he snaps at the kids.

Paul gives Christians a warning about anger. It can be used to our hurt and the hurt of our church. In Ephesians 4:27, he says: "do not give the devil a place." Don't let the devil have a half-opened door to use in wrecking your relationships or your life. Keep your guard up! Remember that there is one who is your sworn enemy because you belong to Jesus Christ. You are a member of a community that he is committed to discredit--so watch him like a hawk.

Now I'm not saying become paranoid about the devil. He's a defeated opponent. But even a defeated opponent can be dangerous. And even valid anger, if nursed, can be twisted into a tool of evil in your life or in your relationships. Anger may be justified. But the feeling of anger is never justification for sinful action.

Skunks or turtles? Which is the best way to be? Well, given the choice, I guess Paul would side with the skunks. He says that anger is to be expressed -- not nursed. "Don't let the sun go down on your anger" Paul writes in Ephesians 4:26. Even if your anger is valid, don't nurse it. Express it if you must -- as calmly you can -- but get rid of it before the day is through -- no matter how late you have to stay up. That guidance is especially important in marriage where the greatest enemy is allowing hurt to build up and tamp down until even the most minor fight is able to tap a vast reservoir of resentment.

Paul writes: "Don't let the sun go down on your anger.

Now this teaching was not new. It was followed by the Pythagoreans of Greece. Plutarch wrote: "If betrayed into angry reviling, they made it their rule to shake hands before sunset." But it is perhaps Psalm 4 that Paul has in mind: "Commune with your heart upon your bed and be still." You cannot commune with yourself or with God--letting tension go at the end of the day -- if you are nursing anger or resentment. I know. I've tried it.

It is better for the guts to be a skunk than to be a turtle -- to express your anger and then let it go than to nurse it. But there is something better than being either a skunk or a turtle. That is to be a Christian and let your faith guide how you handle anger -- not to deny your anger but to really handle it.

Some people suggest that when you get angry, count to ten. But instead of counting to ten -- using those ten words -- I'll give you ten words to say instead--the same number or words--takes just the same length of time. Here are the words to say when you become angry--"Our Father, who art in heaven, hollowed be thy name."

Do you see what happens? In the midst of your anger, you take a moment to focus upon God. You can then seek to express your anger in a way that will truly "hallow" his name. Paul points out very early in the letter to the Romans, just as he points out in Ephesians, that as a Christian, you are no longer living under the old nature. You no longer have a "petrified" heart. You are freed by the power of God to deal with your anger in a new way. So do it.

Once you have put yourself by those words of the Lord's Prayer under the plan of God for that moment, analyze what you are feeling. Be aware of your emotional reaction. Is it really anger or is it a smokescreen for other emotions you would rather not confront? Recognize your emotions and if your emotion is genuine anger, admit it. Recognition does not mean that you have to act on it. But try to understand the reasons for the anger. Don't confuse righteous indignation with selfishness. Remember that there’s a reason why Paul connects anger with jealousy in Romans 13:13. Is the anger valid or are you just too suspicious of the other person's motives? If it is legitimate, can you express it in a way that builds up the relationship with honesty instead of tearing it down?

Above all, try to look at yourself and the person you are angry with from the point-of-view of God. Recognize your worth and the worth of the person whom you are opposing. Recognize the fact of forgiveness -- the fact of your own forgiveness and the imperative that lays on you to extend forgiveness to others. You must be honest enough to say how you feel about the behavior but loving enough to the person to leave open doors for future communication by the way you say it.

James writes in James 1:19-20: "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for people’s anger does not bring about the righteousness that God desires."

"The righteousness that God desires..."

As Christians, we are called to model ourselves after Jesus. He became angry, but he refused to hold a grudge. He was never angered at injury done to himself but only, honestly, an injury done to another. Even the group which angered him the most -- the Pharisees -- were treated as people. If an individual Pharisee--a Simon, a Nicodemus -- came to Jesus, he found a warm welcome and a loving heart. Even on the cross Jesus prayed: "Father forgive them, they do not know what they are doing." Jesus saw something else, even in those who were putting him to death.

My prayer is that, when we become angry — and we will — that we will be able to express it in a righteous way. And even if the anger is at a great and genuine wrong, we will be given the eyes Jesus had to see that "something else" in those we must, in conscience, oppose.

"Be angry. But do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger -- and give no opportunity to the devil."

That is God's word to us.