It’s Friendship

       The UCLA football team suffered through a series of poor seasons in the early 1970’s.  Head coach Pepper Rodgers came under intense criticism and pressure from alumni and fans. Things got so bad, he remembers that friends became hard to find. “My dog was my only true friend,” Rodgers says of that year. “I told my wife that every man needs at least two good friends—and she bought me another dog.”

       Well David needs more than a dog.  He needs a friend.  David is about to get plunged into hot water. 

       After David kills Goliath he becomes a national hero – an overnight sensation. He’s the handsome kid from the sticks who saves the army.  Preteen girls cut his picture out of the magazines and tape it on their walls. 

       One day David is tending sheep.  The next day he is famous. Very few people could take all that in stride, but David does.  He knows how to live with success without having it affect him. It’s a rare person who can do that -- especially if he is young and has never lived his life before the public.

       The women drool over David and anticipate the way the future will develop. They make up a song about him. ‘Saul has killed his thousands and David his ten thousands.’

       With this song, one of the most important relationships in David’s life does a sudden 180.  That is David’s relationship with King Saul.  Saul shifts from support to suspicion. 

       It was already rough for Saul.  Saul has already been rejected by God.  Saul already succumbs to fits of rage.  Saul is already paranoid.  And now the women sing their song: “Saul has slain his thousands and David his ten thousands.”

       Yeah, sure, Saul is paranoid.  But even the fact that you’re paranoid, doesn’t mean that people aren’t out to get you.  You have to be an especially secure kind of leader to be able to handle comparative adulation of a member of your staff. 

       Last Sunday our youth minister Em Blattner preached a good sermon.  But this last week I heard the message – “Dave has preached a sermons and Em his really great sermons.”  I have my spear ready. 

       Leaders – especially modern dictators -- often have good reason to be afraid of their subordinates, especially when things start going wrong. If they leave the country for a state visit elsewhere, they may find they have been replaced by the time they return. They always need to have their eyes on their backs if they do not want to end up dead. 

       “Saul has slain his thousands and David his ten thousands.”    That’s the song.  That would be hard even for a secure leader.  And Saul is anything but secure. So 1 Samuel 18:29 says that “Saul is afraid of David.” 

       Saul is afraid.   But no one likes fear. Fear makes us weak.  Fear feels demeaning.  We prefer to feel strong.  So fear is suppressed and make to come our as anger.   If you’ve ever had your small child suddenly run into a busy street, you know what I mean. You are terrified by what could have happened so you yell at the child. 

       My dad told me about a Captain O’Neil of his infantry company in World War II.  This officer literally wet his pants at the thought of combat.  He hid out in battle.  But that felt so demeaning that he later wanted to kill some defenseless German prisoners to show his warrior side --  fear masquerading as hate. My dad and other enlisted men stopped him.   

        In the same way, Saul is afraid of David so he hates him.  He tries to kill him in different ways.  The first attempt takes place while David is making music for Saul.  We saw a few weeks ago how Saul falls into an evil abysses of mind and emotion. And David’s music is a healing presence. But one day there is hate instead of healing. Saul hurls his spear at David, muttering, “I will pin David to the wall.”  David sees it coming and ducks. The spear drives into the wall, inches from David’s head.  Saul later tries it again.  David ducks again.

       David has killed the Philistine giant.  He’s brought healing to Saul’s tortured spirit.  David is just what the nation needs.  David is just what Saul needs. For doing these good works he nearly gets himself killed.

       It’s always hard to be attacked when we’re doing something good. We don’t exactly welcome punishment for our wrong actions either, but we aren’t shocked. There’s a moral logic to just deserts. We kind of expect to get called on the carpet for doing wrong.  We don’t expect it for doing right.  But David is attacked for doing right.

       But there is another relationship to explore today – a much healthier one.  That is the extraordinary friendship between David and Saul’s son Jonathan.  In the middle of the craziness and madness, the meanness and hate, David experiences a powerful and life-changing friendship.

       C.S. Lewis writes in Surprised by Joy that a friend is “a person who sees the same truth as you do.”  That’s what we see in Jonathan and David.  They have the same faith.  They share the same goals.  They are soul brothers.

       Jonathan is David’s equal in almost every way.  When the Philistines are at the height of pressurizing Israel , Jonathan convinces his armor-bearer to join him in a two man attack on a large Philistine garrison at Michmash.  That’s looks like a David thing. It looks hare-brained.  But it is actually the fruit of faith – just like David’s victory over Goliath.  Jonathan says in 1 Samuel 14:6 words that sound a lot like David: “It may be that God will act for us, because nothing can stop God from saving by many or by few.”  Like David, Jonathan knows that you need faith in God’s power if you are to do bold things in God’s name    They see the same truth.

        A friend like Jonathan is a gift from God.  God knew that David will need an intimate friend to walk with him through the valley that is ahead of him. 

       As Saul’s son, Jonathan is next in line for the throne.  The people could only welcome that -- which makes God’s choice of David even more interesting.  Jonathan is one of the most attractive and flawless people in the Bible.  He’s brave, kind, good and strong.  Unlike his dad, Jonathan is free from petty jealousy and paranoia.  Unlike his dad, Jonathan is a man of faith. 

Unlike his dad, Jonathan is loyal. 

       Now friendship with David really complicates Jonathan’s life. He risks losing his father’s favor.  He willingly sacrifices his own royal future. But neither the risk nor the loss stops him.  One of the true marks of friend is that he is there when there is every reason for him not to be, when to be there is sacrificially costly. As Proverbs 17:17 puts it, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”

       Jonathan becomes David’s friend and he stays David’s friend.   I believe it was Israel ’s great tragedy, as well as David and Jonathan’s tragedy, that Jonathan dies in battle at just the moment when David is going to need him the most. In some ways, David’s personal story goes downhill from then on. No one will ever replace Jonathan. 

      David first meets Jonathan when David comes to talk to Saul after the victory over Goliath.  The two young men had not met until this moment.  But their lives are immediately joined. 1 Samuel 18:1 and 3 says:  “It came about when David had finished speaking to Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as himself.  Then Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself.  Unlike his father, Jonathan sees God in David and makes a covenant of friendship with him. And Jonathan’s friendship enters David’s soul in a way that Saul’s hatred never does. 

        Intimate friendship has four characteristics.  We find all of them in the story of Jonathan and David. 

       First, an intimate friend is willing to sacrifice -- “Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David, with his armor, including his sword and his bow and his belt.”  Jonathan wants to give David something that belongs to him and is meaningful to him. Friends do that. They’re never stingy with their possessions. Later, Jonathan says to David, “Whatever you say, I will do for you.”  That’s the word of an intimate friend. You can hardly impose on an intimate friend. He doesn’t keep score. An intimate friend is there to assist whenever and in whatever way is needed. Unselfishness always wins.

       Jonathan strips off his coat and armor and sword and bow and belt and gives them to David. David needs proper clothes for court. David may have found armor useless in the fight with Goliath, but his style is going to have to change now. David is on the move towards being Saul’s successor.  And Jonathan, the man who might have expected to occupy that place, is the man who gives David the tools to begin the move toward the throne.

       Second, an intimate friend is a loyal defense before others. He’s not a fair-weather friend. He won’t talk against you when you’re not around.  Chapter 19:4 says, “Jonathan spoke well of David to Saul his father.”  That is very significant.  By this time, Saul is determined to be David’s enemy. But Jonathan stands up to Saul and says, “You’re wrong about David.”  

       Jonathan might have been the next king. He might have wanted the praise of the people – and now here’s this kid from the hills of Bethlehem , getting all the press and holding the trophy.  But Jonathan defends his friend against his own father. This is putting shoe leather to your friendship. He stands in David’s defense because he is his friend

       This relationship will cost Jonathan hugely in his relationship with his father. In fact, I Samuel 20:30-32 tells how Saul tries to kill Jonathan with his spear – just as he’s tried to kill David.

       Third – an intimate friend is free from rivalry. Jonathan keeps his eyes on the big goal.

       Don’t underestimate Jonathan’s greatness here. Jonathan is a great warrior in his own right. He is loved by the people in his own right. He is in line to be king. But in chapter 23,  Jonathan says to David, “I see that God wants to make you king, so I’ll be your #2 and we’ll serve Israel together. We’ll win together.”

       It’s not easy to accept the #2 spot when you’re a #1.  We’ve seen this in our own area in recent years in the relationship between Kobe Bryant and Shaquille O’Neil – how being the MVP became more important than being the champions. That led to years without a playoff victory for the Lakers.  At least the Lakers are happy now – and will be happy until the Laker Girls start dancing to “ Kobe has made his baskets and Pau Gasol his hundreds of baskets.”  Then the whole rivalry thing – “it’s either him or me” -- will start over again. 

       Leonard Bernstein once observed that the most difficult of all instruments to play is second fiddle.  But Jonathan is as good on that as David is on the harp.  Jonathan wants the championship – victory and security for Israel – and doesn’t care who gets the songs.  He keeps his eyes on the main goal.

       And finally, an intimate friend is a constant source of encouragement.  Chapter 23 tells us

“Now David became aware that Saul had come out to seek his life while David was in the wilderness of Ziph at Horesh.  And Jonathan, Saul’s son, arose and went to David at Horesh, and encouraged him in God.”

        Friends communicate with each other on a regular basis.  That’s essential.   Saul can’t find David but Jonathan does. He searches him out so he can express his care.  I suppose he could have emailed but there is nothing like the personal presence and personal touch. 

      As Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote from his cell in Flossenburg Prison during World War II where he had been condemned to die:  “God has put His word into our mouths in order that it may be communicated to others.  A Christian needs another Christian who speaks God’s word to him. He needs that friend again and again and again.” 

       Jonathan is that kind of friend to David – one who speaks God’s Word to him.  He sees David at the lowest moment of his life, frightened, beleaguered, stumbling through the wilderness, and he brings him encouragement. 

       As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "the glory of friendship is not in the outstretched hand, not the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is in spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him."

        Friendship like this is sacred.  Even Jesus surrounded Himself with friends.

        I hope you have too.  I hope you all have people who see the same truth you do – who will sacrifice for you, defend you, work with you for the main goal and encourage you.  I hope that you have the spiritual inspiration that comes from having someone who believes in you and is willing to trust you.

       If you don’t have this kind of friend, find one. 

       Even better yet, be one. 

       Christopher Kerr was walking home from high school when he noticed another student from his class also walking home from school but carrying all his books. Christopher wondered why anybody would bring their books home on a weekend. Why study when there were parties to be had and football games to be played?

       Some other kids must have been thinking along the same lines. They ran at the boy, knocked all his books out of his arms and tripped him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, landing about ten feet away in the grass. The boy looked up with a terrible sadness in his eyes. Christopher’s heart went out to him. He helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, his name was Kyle and he lived near Chris. They’d never met because Kyle had only recently switched from a private school to Chris’ school. The boys talked all the way home, and a friendship was begun. Chris invited Kyle to play football on Saturday with his friends. They spent most of the weekend together and Kyle became part of Chris’ friendship circle.

       Over the next four years, Chris and Kyle became best friends. Kyle also went on to do very well academically and to be very popular. Graduation day Kyle was class valedictorian. As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began.

       “Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach -- but mostly your friends. I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story.”

       Kyle told the story of that first day he met Chris. He was carrying his books home because he had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He had cleaned out his locker so his mom wouldn’t have to do it later. He looked hard at Chris and said “Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable.”

       A gasp went through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy shared about his weakest moment. And a gasp went through Chris. Not until that moment did he realize the significance of their first encounter.

       Never underestimate the power of your friendship. You can change a person’s life -- just as   Jonathan changed David’s.

Note: a search after the sermon was preached revealed that this story about the graduation speech is not factual.  It is an elaboration of a story that appeared in Chicken Soup for the Soul.”   The message is true but apparently not the facts.