Dealing with Guilt

       The IRS received this letter: "I haven't been able to sleep because last year when I filled out my tax forms I deliberately misrepresented my income. I am enclosing $750.00. If I still can't sleep, I'll send you the rest."

       That is one way to handle a bad conscience. But the only way that ultimately works is the way of the 51st Psalm.  Psalm 51 has what we need. 

       A psychiatrist once declared: "Only psychiatrists can remove guilt from human lives, for only psychiatrists really forgive. Our ethical standards require that we remain morally, ideologically and religiously uncommitted. We pass no moral judgments; we remain morally neutral. We are not bound to a judgment standard; we will not be judgmental. The patient knows this and consequently dares to unburden himself freely to us."

       But this psychiatrist made huge error. A person who is not committed to a moral, spiritual or ideological standard of judgment cannot forgive. If he or she is uncommitted, he or she has not been offended. Only the one who is offended can forgive. You can't forgive someone else for me.

       In Psalm 51, David repents of his sin of adultery with Bathsheba and the murder of her husband Uriah. In verse 4, David cries to God; "Against You, You only, I have sinned, and done what is evil in Your sight."   

       To be sure David's sin was against others than God. He sinned against Bathsheba, against Uriah, and against the nation of Israel. But David realizes that his ultimate sin is against God. In the series of events behind the Psalm, David broke four of the last five commandments of God. He had coveted his neighbor's wife. He had stolen his neighbor's wife. He had committed adultery. He had murdered. And he knows that he is justly under the judgment of God.

        David sees what each of us must come to see -- that sin is not just an error or a mistake or a foul up or a violation against the social order. Sin is always and profoundly an offense against the Holy God of the Universe. David knows that God is the One to whom he must ultimately answer for all his deeds and thoughts. If he is to be forgiven, the forgiveness needs to come from God.

       But how is this possible? David knows that without sacrifice, without the shedding of blood, there can be no forgiveness for sins. David also knows that the sacrificial system of Israel could atone only for unwitting sins -- sins that a person had not meant to do. But David has not committed involuntary manslaughter. He has committed first degree murder. The sacrificial system as David knew it cannot provide the forgiveness that his soul needs.

       So David does a very bold thing. He bypasses the sacrificial system and takes his need directly to God.

       David begins his prayer with recognition of his need. As he prays, he grows more and more realistic about his own situation. 

       He starts with a plea for God to forgive his transgressions -- plural.  At first he views his sin as a series of isolated events.  But then he changes and speaks of his sin in the singular.  He sees that his deeds aren’t isolated and unrelated.  They are signs of a basic twisting on his own nature.  It’s not that he sins once in a while.  It’s that he is sinful – full of sin in his very essence. In fact, he says in verse 5 that he has been a sinner since birth.  He doesn’t say this to excuse himself or to blame his parents but to emphasize how filthy he is.  David is even more wicked in reality than in appearance.  No religious show will restore his relationship with God. 

       David knows that God desires "truth in the innermost being." Yet he also knows that his innermost being is opposite to truth. When David writes, "Surely I have been a sinner since birth, sinful since the time my mother conceived me" he is emphasizing how putrid he is. David is not merely covered with sin but saturated with it.

      So he pleads for pardon, "Blot out my transgression." The Hebrew word here refers to erasing an item from a book or ledger.

       There is a type of manuscript from the ancient world called a palimpsest. A palimpsest is a piece of papyrus or other expensive material that has been written on twice. The old text was no longer needed so someone rubbed out the old writing, turned the paper sideways, and wrote new words. That's what we all need. The fabric of our lives has been written on by many sins. But God can and will rub out the ancient writing, turn the pages sideways, and write on the new surface the good news of His compassion through the cross of Jesus Christ.

       David knows that his acts of rebellion separate him from God, and he longs for them to be blotted from the record.  But he knows that even erasing the record isn’t enough.  His problem isn’t just the paper trail but the fact that sin stains his entire being like ink penetrates fabric.  So he asks God to wash away all his iniquity.

       The Hebrew word here means more than outward rinsing, like you wash a plate. It means "washing by kneading or beating." Before modern detergents and washing machines, clothes were washed by wringing them by hand and beating them against rocks, forcing water through every fiber, carrying away the dirt.  So David prays, "Lord, beat me, tread me down, hammer me with mallets, dash me against stones, do anything with me, only be sure these foul stains are removed from the texture of my soul!"

       Then David pleads, "Cleanse me from my sin."  The word "cleanse" is used for a priestly declaration of ceremonial cleanness. David understands that his iniquity makes him unworthy to walk with his shepherd.  So he longs to be readmitted to communion with God and His people.

       This is not possible without great cost, of course. This is taught in the four words that begin verse 7.  These words are the most important in this entire psalm though they are probably also the least understood.  David prays: “Cleanse me with hyssop."

       Hyssop was a small plant frequently found growing in the crevices of stone walls.  It’s the green stuff that grows out of the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem.  It’s not just bad landscape maintenance.  It’s there for a reason.

       Because of its shape and structure, hyssop was used as a small brush. In the ceremonies of the temple it was used to sprinkle blood. It was used at the first Passover when the Jews were leaving Egypt: "Take a bunch of hyssop, dip it into the blood in the basin and put some of the blood on the top and on both sides of the doorframe."

       So to be purged with hyssop is an expression. David declares the need for a blood sacrifice.   When David asks God to cleanse him with hyssop he means "cleanse me by the blood. Forgive me on the basis of an innocent victim that has died."

       Many people are troubled by this. Why is there all this blood in the Old Testament? Why the millions of lambs, bulls, and goats, and the continual flow of blood? Some have even called biblical Judaism a "slaughterhouse" religion because of this. But God makes very clear that these Old Testament sacrifices were pointing toward the one blood sacrifice of the Lord Jesus. His life had to be laid down in death. All those other sacrifices were just symbolic pictures, of that ultimate sacrifice.

       But why? Why did Jesus have to die to forgive our sins? The only answer is that sin is so deeply imbedded in us that it cannot be cured by anything but death. The old life has to die. God cannot improve it. Even God cannot make it better.  He can only put it to death. David says to God, "If you are going to deal with this terrible fountain of evil in me, I can see that it must be put to death. It must be purged with hyssop, and then I will be clean."

      Now here is the strange thing. David knew that he was forgiven.  He celebrates that in Psalm 32 that we looked at before Lent.    

       But David never knew how he was forgiven. He knew the foundation of Biblical truth expressed in Hebrews 9:22; "Without the shedding of blood there is no pardon." And he knew that his sin could never be forgiven under the sacrificial system. David never knew how God could forgive him. But we do. We know that David received forgiveness through his faith in what God would do in Jesus Christ, just as we are saved by our faith in what God has already done in Jesus Christ. We know that God Himself became the sacrifice for David's sin and ours -- in the very city where David seduced Bathsheba and plotted her husband's death.

       Jesus told the religious leaders of His day; "Out of the heart will come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, and slanders," and David has seen these very things spill from his own heart. He knows that his greatest need is for a new heart. His old heart is beyond repair. He needs a heart transplant.

       David desires the remaking of his whole life.  He wants purity as well as pardon. This desire leads to what is perhaps the boldest request in the entire Old Testament.  David prays, "Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." David realizes that a new heart can only be created by God. The Hebrew word for create out of nothing is "bara". Only God "baras." And when God "baras" He makes a brand new reality. This is what David wants.

       In his plea, David anticipates the New Testament truth of the new life – that "If anyone is in Christ he or she is a new creation." As C.S. Lewis points out, this is what Christ came to do -- to create in us a clean heart. He did not come to make us "nice people" -- He came to make us new creatures with new motives, new desires, and new obedience.

       Forgiveness comes only as God's gift. We cannot find forgiveness and freedom from guilt by our own efforts -- though many try.

       Some years ago, in Madrid, Spain, dealers reported that they had sold 2,000 hair shirts so people could punish themselves for their sins in preparation for Lent. Dealers also reported the sale of 1,000 "disciplenas" which are lashes with waxed knots in the end to be used in the "mortification of the flesh." About 8,000 crosses, some weighing as much as 240 pounds were put on the market along with chains for the ankles of penitents who make the ten-mile procession through Madrid's streets.

       Well David isn't such a masochist. He wants joy. He pleads "restore to me the joy of your salvation." Note that David is not pleading with God to restore his salvation -- as if he has lost it and needs to get it back again. It's not the salvation he has lost now but the joy of it. Now that he has repented of his sin, found cleansing, and is seeking a renewed spirit, he wants the joy again.

       Now we are not likely to go the route of the penitents in Madrid. But we ultimately punish ourselves when we are unwilling to let God perform healing in our lives in the way only God can.

       I love the way C. S. Lewis pictures this is Voyage of the Dawn Treader.  He says it a lot better than I can so I will quote him at length. 

       Lewis tells the story of Eustace Scrubb. Eustace is a young boy of nasty disposition who comes upon the lair of a dragon while running away from his companions to avoid having to work. He enters the lair of the dragon just as the dragon is dying and immediately decides to steal some of the treasure the dragon has hoarded. After filling his pockets with diamonds, he slips a heavy golden bracelet on his arm -- then he goes to sleep on the pile of treasure.

       The result is that from sleeping on a dragon's hoard with greedy, dragonish thoughts in his heart, Eustace becomes a dragon himself. The bracelet, which had fit so loosely, is now digging deeply into his flesh.

       After various adventures and misadventures as a dragon, Eustace reappears to his friends as a boy. Here is what he says to them about the healing he has found. Remember that in the Chronicles of Narnia, the great Lion Aslan is the one we know as Jesus Christ.

       Eustace says, "Well, anyway, I looked up and saw the very last thing I expected: A huge lion coming slowly towards me. I was terribly afraid of it. You may think that, being a dragon, I could have knocked any lion out easily enough. But it wasn't that kind of fear. I wasn't afraid of it eating me, I was just afraid of it if you can understand. Well, it came closer up to me and looked straight into my eyes. And I shut my eyes tight. But that wasn't any good because it told me to follow it. I knew I'd have to do what it told me, so I got up and followed it. And it led me a long way into the mountains. So at last we came to the top of a mountain I'd never seen before and on the top of this mountain there was a garden --- trees and fruit and everything. In the middle of it there was a well like a very big, round bath with marble steps going down into it. The water was as clear as anything and I thought if I could get in there and bathe it would ease the pain in my leg. But the Lion told me to undress first.

       "I was just going to say that I couldn't undress because I hadn't any clothes on when I suddenly thought that dragons are snaky sort of things and snakes can cast their skins. So I started scratching myself and my scales began coming off all over the place. And then I scratched a little deeper and, instead of just scales coming off here and there, my whole skin started peeling off beautifully. In a minute or two I just stepped out of it. I could see it lying there beside me, looking rather nasty. It was a most lovely feeling. So I started to go down into the well for my bath.

       "But just as I was going to put my foot into the water, I looked down and saw that it was all hard and rough and wrinkled and scaly, just as it had been before. Oh, that's all right said I, it only means I had another smaller suit on underneath the first one, and I'll have to get out of it too. So I scratched and tore again and this under skin peeled off beautifully and out I stepped and left it lying beside the other one and went down to the well for my bath.

      "Well, exactly the same thing happened again. And I thought to myself, oh dear, how ever many skins have I got to take off? For I was longing to bathe my leg. So I scratched away for the third time and got off a third skin, just like the two others, and stepped out of it. But as soon as I looked at myself in the water, I knew it had been no good."

       We are like Eustace. When we try to clean up our own act, we never get to the real issues. We might take care of some surface stuff but we never really touch the heart.

       Lewis continues: "Then the Lion said, "You will have to let me undress you." I was afraid of his claws, I can tell you, but I was pretty nearly desperate now. So I just lay flat down on my back to let him do it.

       "The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I've ever felt. The only thing that made me be able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off.

       "Well, he peeled the beastly stuff right off -- just as I thought I'd done it myself the other three times, (only they hadn't hurt)---and there it was lying on the grass; only ever so much thicker, and darker, and more knobbly looking than the others had been.

       "Then he caught hold of me -- I didn't like that much for I was very tender underneath now that I'd no skin on -- and threw me into the water. It smarted like anything but only for a moment. After that, it became perfectly delicious and as soon as I started swimming and splashing, I found that all the pain had gone from my arm. And then I saw why. I'd turned into a boy again."

       1 John helps us here.  John writes: "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

       Jesus will set you free.  Let's not make this a big soul-searching deal. It's as simple as it sounds. The only requirement is that the confession be sincere and that we're willing to extend this forgiveness to others: "God, I realize that I was wrong and You were right. I offended You. I'm sorry. Will you forgive me through the cross of Jesus Christ and set me on the right track again?"

       That's all it takes and John makes it clear that after such an action, God will cleanse you from all your sinfulness. He doesn't clean you up 80 percent or begin a long process of graduated forgiveness after you achieve certain benchmarks that may take years. There, on the spot, He cleanses you.

       You were 100 percent guilty, and suddenly, you are 100 percent not guilty. You are now wonderfully free to walk in a new obedience with new relationships just as Eustace did after he was undragoned.

       That’s the message of Psalm 51.  That's God's road to freedom from guilt!!